Run Projects

Written"Belonging"Stronger

kirby and william finalI am a carer but also a person with my own hopes and dreams. However throughout my life I have often felt that I needed to hold my true self back. My family and I moved to Australia when I was only 10 years old. At that time my mother was married to an abusive man and later my brother developed schizophrenia. I really struggled to find myself as a child. I knew that I was gay but I also always had a strong Christian faith. People around me, including my family, always said that it wasn't possible to hold on to both identities. This haunted me for many years. Often I would suppress my true self hoping that things would change. My family always needed me so they came first. I bottled my torment deep inside.

As I grew up I struggled even more with my identity, becoming suicidal. Throughout my mid 20’s everything became worse and I felt more alone than ever before. But then I began to challenge myself and the pre-conceived notions of being gay and being Christian. And finally, after years of truly struggling, in my late 20’s I accepted myself as a gay man and a Christian. I now feel like I'm a survivor.

Run Projects has awarded me a grant to make a short documentary called Being Gay and Christian. It’s about sharing my journey coming to the realisation that it is possible to be gay AND Christian. The film is not necessarily about inspiring people, it’s about hopes and dreams and breaking down barriers and stigma.

Often when you care for your family your own hopes and dreams get lost along the way. I want to show people like myself that it’s okay to ask for help. Making this film will affect my life in a positive way. I will get to share my journey with people like me and it’s a chance to finally have a voice. If I can have a positive effect on one person's life through this film then I will know that I'm using my struggle for good. 

The short documentary Being Gay and Christian will give me the opportunity to explore what it is like to be a carer struggling with depression, sexuality and religion. I have experienced significant inner conflict where it felt like I had lost all control in my life. Through this film I hope to regain and solidify the control I now have, coming out the other side of my struggle.

I do not really have experience making films. However, I am a very creative person and I am hiring film students to assist with producing and editing the film. Producing this film will not only help me gain experience but I will also gain a new skillset. Perhaps I will even get the opportunity to expand my creative skills outside the project. This film will give me the power to control how I am portrayed as a gay Christian.

Hon Michael Kirby AC CMG and Chair of the UN Human Rights Council said to me in an interview for the film: "Be not afraid. Be sure that Jesus loves you. The narrow view of Christianity ignores the fundamental message: love God and love one another. There cannot be a conflict with that principle".